I cannot find my penis.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Randomize
