My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
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