Ambien. No doubt about it.
I can text with my tongue
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
