I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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