theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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