butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
