I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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