sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
