I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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