I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
