this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I think a kid would responsible me up
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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