I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
