Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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