I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
