Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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