It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
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