THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
