i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
