The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Randomize
