So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
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