your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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