8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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