I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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