This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Dignity is for republicans.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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