he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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