If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
