My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
