Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
