dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
