I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
