All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
