Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
