My friends, they love my intelligence
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Randomize
