My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
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