I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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