just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
