i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
