32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Randomize
