omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
