one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
