wrigley field is MILF paradise
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
