No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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