Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Randomize
