so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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