remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Randomize