I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Randomize
