I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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