why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
We are all done wearing pants today
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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