Pappa wants mamma naked
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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