Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
