is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
