What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
This is classic penis vs brain.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
