and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
