OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
