You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
