Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
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