oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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