Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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