So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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