I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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