so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
