shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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