Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
