I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
