I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize