Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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