i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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