I look better un-naked...
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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