ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
