Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
