it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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