Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
