party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
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