hotel room ftw
And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
