I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize